November 4th

I received this by email today from one of my most clever friends: Gil Torres. Aside from it being brilliantly written and executed (I imagine it appeared in quite a few inboxes and blog posts), I think the research and the strategy behind it is pure genius. I've had several conversations about relocation contingency plans; wouldn't it be awesome if the following proposition was an option?

"Dear Red States:

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're
taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that
includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin,
Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. It may even include Florida and
Ohio, they are seriously considering it. We've given them until Nov. 4th to
decide. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and
especially to the people of the new country. Since we're dropping the middle
states we're calling it United America, or simply the U.A.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get
stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You
get Dollywood. You can take Ted Nugent. We're keeping Bruce Springsteen and
Billy Joel. You get WorldCom. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get Ole' Miss.
We get Harvard and 85 percent of America's venture capital and
entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you
get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian
Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single
moms, and the highest concentration of pregnant unwed teenagers. Please be
aware that the U.A. will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want
all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask
your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to
their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures
of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and
hope that the WMDs turn up, really we do, but we're not willing to spend our
resources in Bush's Quagmire. We'd rather spend it on taking care of sick
people, and educating our children.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the
country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92
percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines,
90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the
U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy
and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT. With the Red
States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all
obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all
U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the
hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of
all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the
University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless
we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that
evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and
61 percent of you crazy Redies believe you are people with higher morals
then we Bluies..

Peace out,
Blue States"